I am

So here I sit, in my late twenties without even realizing it. Kinda blows, really. I turned 21 over six years ago, yet that is where my mind (and maturity) got stuck. Remember back in college when our indecision was always suffixed with "well he's just defining who he is"? Majors would change, girls would change, choice drinks would change. Yet here I am, six years later, still klinging to the mindset that I've yet to define myself. But without even realizing it, I have defined myself, or more specifically, I have been defined. My career has begun, I'll never change girls again, and I'm kinda partial to my Coors Lite. Without even knowing it, I have become who I am, and who I will be.

There are so many labels I can give myself, or have been given to me that describe who I've become, but it is the label of "christian" that makes me think critically. Am I a christian? Its not as simple an answer as some might think. First of all, what is a christian, or more specifically, what does it mean to be a christian to different people? I am a believer, and fulfill all the requirements to meet the definition of a christian, but definitions and perceptions are two different things. Even though I may technically be a christian, I struggle with the perception of being given that label. Its more a question of what does the word "christian" mean. Is it how its defined, or is it how people perceive it?

I am a christian by definition, but not by perception. I'm what christians would call a christian, but I'm not what "normal people" would call a christian. I believe, but I don't think anything less of you if you don't. I live Christ, but I don't use him as an aggressive projectile in order to increase my tally of "saved people." Nobody likes the idea of being conquered. It is so easy to confuse arrogance with evangelism, and it almost always starts with a feeling of superiority, the polar opposite to the humility taught as one of the most fundamental christian attributes.

Collateral Peace. That is how I live. I don't target others, I target myself to live as He wants me to, and let those around me get hit with collateral peace. Its not laziness, its faith. I spread God's word, but I let him decide when.

Who am I?

I am a son.
I am a grandson.
I am a brother.
I am a man.

I am a friend.
I am blessed.
I am a husband.
I am in love.

I am impatient.
I am insufficient.
I am flawed.
I am so sorry.

I am a fisher of men.
I am the fish.
I am what You want me to be.
I am ready.

I am.